Sunday, 11 April 2010

How to lower your cholesterol

This past week has been a flurry of activity. Aside from school holiday antics and day trips to country and seaside to enjoy the "balmy" weather, Springgirl has been occupied illustrating her first children's book. No, Springgirl is not an illustrator, proficient with a paintbrush or pen, or even adept with Photoshop. Sure, Springgirl is perhaps what was once called "accomplished". She can sing - a little, play tennis - a little, cook - a little, and carry a conversation. But artistic? Only if unfinished knitted sweaters and macrame count? 

But as sending copious e-mails to friends, artists and illustrators had not yielded the fruit desired in terms of a malleable, inexpensive, available and talented artiste, Springgirl had no choice but to embrace and emulate the positivity of Spring and set about the task herself. If nothing else, it would pass the time. 

It transpired though, given that Springgirl is never one to let a wanton lack of talent hold her back, that the illustration project was taken on with gusto. Lacking a fear of the unknown, impervious to embarrassment, and driven by an almost manic desire to get things done, Springgirl has achieved a finished product that has been met with oohs and ahhs of delight from the off-Spring and indulgent and amused smiles from Mr Springgirl. 

The book will be available soon - once printed and distributed. A sparkling example of what can be accomplished without skill, practise or style.

And so thoughts now return to marketing the soon to be printed first novel - Spring to Mind, promoting the nascent coaching business and publishing the first of (I hope) many children's books (now that I have stopped with the self-congratulatory diatribe, I feel able to express myself better in the first person...).

Indeed sales and marketing efforts will redouble in coming weeks as the parlous state of the coffers spurs me to new feats of self-promotion. Accordingly, I have been mulling over ways and means of hooking my readers and fan-base.

Based on my sense of what the market is looking for in making purchasing decisions, this is where I am now:

1. This book will lower your cholesterol. Take the two week challenge. Buy it and read it instead of eating breakfast and one other meal a day. You will be slimmer in two weeks.

2. Get longer lashes overnight! Enhance those lashes with a session reading Spring to Mind. Your lashes will appear longer, thicker and more luscious after just one evening tucked up with this great book.*

3.  Change how you see your life - for the better. A beguiling mix of the facile and the erudite, this book is guaranteed to make you ever so grateful for your own life, problems, family and job.

4.  Reduce bloating and wind in just 3 days! Rebalance your gut with a good belly laugh this Spring.

5.  Save money! Inspired by the author's tales of the perils of shopping, hairdressing and gym membership, you will swear off all such pursuits until you read an unbiased endorsement of same.

6.  Get fit fast. Walk to the store to buy it, walk home to read it, walk around the park while you read it, walk it to your best friend's house to share it. 

7.  Find love! With Spring to Mind to hand you will find love in new places, accept the love you have may be as good as it gets or reconcile yourself to the single vocation.

8.  Become a style icon. Spring to Mind will change the way you see fashion forever.   

9.  Coach yourself to greater resilience, happiness and optimism! Spring into a fresh mindset with Spring to Mind's Self Coaching Toolkit.

10.  Get the career of your dreams. Drawing on the author's years of expertise clamouring at the foot of the career ladder, sliding down the greasy pole and banging her head on glass ceiling, this book will equip you to know when it is too late to quit while you are ahead.

11.  Reduce wrinkles and fine-lines. This book will reduce the seven signs of ageing.**

* Fake lashes supplied with first 200 books sold.
** Readers are advised to:
a) use it as a sunshade,
b) pulp it and apply the papier-mache to the face as a therapeutic Spring mask, or
c) re-sell 10 copies and use the proceeds to buy the latest miracle cream.

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