Friday, 2 July 2010

Brand Power

There is a lot to be said for the power of brands. If you have seen any news of late you will not have missed the stories covering Apple's newest products - the i-Pad and the newest i-Phone. I am sure many of you will own one of these if not another Apple product. A friend told me last week that hers is an Apple Home. I smiled at the time. So happy for her.

I then pondered the great mysteries of what else Apple might get it's teeth into. Pardon the muddled pun there.

I am personally not a big brand follower. I like to take the path less travelled in these little choices, no one really knows or cares what anyone else sends their e-mails on, do they?

In any case I do marvel at the brilliance in design, marketing and branding that has led to the global cult-like following of these items.

So, since I am something of an innovator - if I do say so myself - I thought I would share some of my ideas. Remember - there is nothing without first the idea! I want to gauge your appetite for a range of electronic devices that will literally take you beyond the realm of electronic, hand-held and even virtual experience as you now know it. Ambitious yet grounded, this range will make daily life a joy; freeing you to engage more fully with your on-line identity, friends and employments. No more tedious real life chores to inconvenience you. Hobbies and neuroses accommodated as well. These ideas are truly cutting edge and life changing (and by definition, confidential).

First, for the gadget addict, the user so attached to their phone, music player or computer that everything else has to wait - I bring you - the I-Pii. This amazing device (which plugs right into you phone) frees you to truly remain obsessed with your electronic life. It tells you when to go, reminds you how to go and even where to go - with a built in sat nav and state of the art Snifferoo (Trademark pending), the I-Pii can find a clean loo within 30 yards of you. Future models will also boast a mini-mobile I-Pii hand held device that will save you a trip to the loo entirely. We are very excited about this - environmentally friendly and yet so timelessly appealing to young and old alike.

For the animal lover the best thing since domestication of dogs (at least 14,000 years ago) is just around the corner: the I-Pet. This is similar to a soft children's toy in many regards but with unique mirror "animons" to ensure that you have a moving, animated, reactive pseudo-pet that will not only look real, but sound and feel real too. Kiss it and it will lick you back, stroke it and it will snuggle it's warm (39.5 degrees Celsius), organic faux-fur against you. No more dog hair on the sofa, no more late night walks around the block with too few baggies, no more fines from the Council when Fido fouls the pavement again, no more interruptions when those emails are waiting for your attention, no chewed slippers or waking the neighbours. This little mutt will give you all the love minus the mess, the worms, the vaccinations and the heartbreak (when a real one dies, that is). Cheaper than an actual live critter but with optional motion detector and built in burglar alarm, the I-Pet is your guard dog and your companion. Destined to change how we view man's best friend forever!

For sporting heros tired of the Wii, we bring you the I-Putt. This device is indispensable for any golfer or wannabe pro. In one small tee shaped packaged we have incorporated a GPS locator for lost balls, a voice activated score card, a partner finder where we match you to players that little bit better than you in your area to team up with to help you improve you game as well as a detailed and high res countour mapping software programme that find all the undulations, damp areas and lumpy bits on any course that can sabotage your game. GPS Golf balls sold separately. Matching polos, caps and plus-fours available on request. For the learner, your game will improve immeasurably as the built-in 15 megapixel camera will record your play and the I-Putt system will analyse and correct your stroke. Like having a private golf pro in your pocket, day and night!

For the health conscious I want to introduce a revolutionary diet and health analysis tool that will change the way you cook, eat and select your foods - the I-Poop. The I-Poop also uses the amazing Snifferroo (Trademark pending) technology to give you in-the-moment feedback on the workings of your digestive system. Pro-biotic health drinks took us part of the way. The I-Poop will take you the rest of the way towards complete health. Understand your body, allergies, intolerances and appetite while having the nutritional content of all you imbibe or consider imbibing to hand, 24-7. The I-Poop is amazing in that it helps you better understand what goes into your body and what comes out. This will change how you view your diet and health. Rather than reading food labels, worrying about your mother-in-law's penchant for oil based sauces or stressing over hidden trans-fats, simply wave the I-Poop over a food item and see the calorie and nutritional information displayed in gorgeous high res text on the super high-tech glass and aluminium screen. Accidental poisoning or allergic reactions will be a thing of the past as the I-Poop will break down any plate of food, any can of drink into its constituent parts - as if you had the recipe before you! Best of all the I-Poop is  tiny - discrete and stylish and fitting into any empty lipstick container. Potential mates will never know you are calorie counting as you nibble those prawns and sip that mojito!

Last, but by no means least, will be the I-Pun, my personal favourite. The I-Pun is designed specifically to address the challenges of the modern day by bridging the old and new styles of oral communication. Drawing on the prose and verse, traditions and style of yesteryear, the I-Pun helps users to come up with scintillating small-talk and chatty dialogue sufficient to entertain and delight anyone over 35, while also helping the more mature to craft succinct and pithy "announcements" to allow for greater access to and connection with the young folk used to communicating in "short form". Whatever your challenge - witty repartee, crude one-liners, idiomatic and nuanced translations, the I-Pun is for you. Dictionaries only do so much. A large vocabulary won't make you funny. But the I-Pun will transform how you communicate. Imagine: the Bard does SMS!

So - I ask for your feedback? Are these products appealing to you? 

Will these - together to be marketed at the I-Pent (5) - indeed make life better? 

(Responses by text pls.)


  1. Just to scare you a little, have a look at Sony's "EyePet".

  2. no, no, no, I cannot even imagine....